When Deep Breathing Just Won't Do

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

If you’ve spent time with a toddler recently, you probably know they have big feelings. A green popsicle instead of a red one?! Meltdown. Kicking and screaming, hitting and crying. Quick intense release, and then we’re back!

As adults we have a lot of feelings too. Some are bigger than others. That toddler brain is still a part of us, and can become easily flooded with emotion. We humbly learn over and over again that feelings need to be felt, seen, expressed, and released in order to complete the stress cycle and move on. Remember?

As a therapist, I’m usually a big fan of leaning into your usual healthy outlets to alleviate tension and stress. Especially when done with gentle self-compassion. Exercise, mindfulness, writing, social interactions, crying, meditation, therapy. Yes to all these! Let out your emotions in whichever ways help you. 

But what about more intense emotions like anger, rage, trauma, pain, grief? Sometimes those regular go-tos just don’t cut it. You can’t necessarily breathe your way through the loss of a loved one who was taken too soon. Or perhaps you’re addressing your own trauma and it’s bringing up some understandable rage. These feelings need to be let out too, in an appropriately intense way. Otherwise they can internalize, get stuck, or implode/explode. Anger and rage are healthy feelings, when expressed in healthy ways.

So rather than indulge in road rage, channel those intensities in places you can safely do so. Blast your music. Run/ride/sweat it out. Punch a pillow or scream into it. Kickbox. Play a sport. These can offer a cathartic release for ALL those tough feels. Give them the intensity they deserve! Do that toddler thing. Your body needs to let it go. It can leave you feeling lighter and more spacious before you have to get back to adult-ing.

Let it rip!