Analysis Paralysis

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

Should I stay in tonight or should I go out?

Do I take this job or wait for a different one?

What if I go on this date and they don’t like me? What if they do?

Why is this decision taking forever?!

Indecision is a really common experience for some. It can feel downright paralyzing, sitting in the unknown of what ifs, yes’s/no’s, and pros/cons of daily life. You may spend minutes or hours or days wrestling with the weight of all sorts of decisions, from little to big ones. Schedules, plans, logistics can take up quite a bit of brain space, as can jobs, moves, relationships, and kids. 

This lack of certainty and focus on negative outcomes can cause undue distress, especially for folks who tend toward anxiety. Consumed by self-doubt and fear of meaning, it’s easy to get lost in all the mental noise. Sometimes there can be perfectionism or rigidity to this line of thinking as well, or an adherence to “right vs wrong”, as though there is such a thing! What’s an anxious brain to do?

Lower. The. Stakes.

There is no wrong answer. Only what’s right for you. Or most right for you. Or good enough. Because when you zoom out, it’s very likely that either way, everything will be fine. I don’t mean to minimize difficult decisions; they are tough. And yes, it may not look perfect, or go the way you wanted it to, but you’ll move through it and probably learn a little something along the way. You can trust yourself to be ok regardless.

Next time you’re stuck in that paralysis of what to do, take a breath, lower the stakes, and listen to your intuition. Less pressure allows for movement, one way or another. For the really stuck ones, it can help to pretend to make a decision, and sit with the hypothetical reality of it for a day, and see how you feel. A decision experiment!