Cultivating Gratitude
By Rebecca Patterson, AMFT
With Thanksgiving upon us, the topic of gratitude inevitably makes its way into the lexicon of most folks. We do, however, live in an interesting time where gratitude is a commonly talked about mindfulness skill that sits in the spotlight year round. Research has shown the benefits of a daily gratitude practice where we slow down and zoom out to focus on the good that is happening in our lives. Many clients have asked my thoughts on gratitude journals or reflected on how if they were only more grateful their anxiety might not be as intrusive.
Plenty of people have found success with a gratitude journal, but some folks end up struggling to reap the benefits as they squash a sentence of gratitude into a random moment of the day without giving it much thought besides checking a box in their day. If this is happening for you, I’ve pulled together some thoughts on ways to diversify how you approach being thankful as we wade into this thankful holiday.
Instead of scribbling down the first thing that comes to mind, I encourage you to breathe in and reflect on yourself. If the mindfulness skill of gratitude is rooted in the benefits of seeing the good, it matters to begin with yourself. What is something you’ve done that you are proud of, is it your increased emotion regulation? A caring thing you did for a friend? Drinking more water? Instead of externalizing gratitude and dwelling on what life has given you, try beginning with what you have given yourself. Sit in what your body feels like as you reflect on the internal work that leaves you thankful for you.
Next, shift to that external, what is something not of you that you are grateful for. Perhaps it's your home, or a call from your mom. Think of the people, places, and things that have recently made your life feel good. To borrow from Marie Kondo, after noting the external things you are grateful for, thank them. Whether in your own mind or out loud, I’ve noticed a difference in benefits gained by those who simmer in an offering of thank you when practicing gratitude.
Finally, part of what makes a gratitude practice psychologically beneficial is it helps us cultivate a glass half full mindset. If you especially find it hard to carry gratitude outside the short moment you practice it, try ending your moment of reflection by imagining something you desire and would be grateful to have. See how it feels, for example, to name wanting more patience and holding gratitude for your awareness that you need it. Or desiring more quality time with your partner and showing gratitude for the upcoming weekend where it exists. Positive foresight in addition to beforehand settling into the good of the here and now can be a powerful combination in moving through our lives more gratefully. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and I hope this new gratitude practice brings you joy!