That's So Selfless of You!
By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST
‘Tis the season for it all, isn’t it? A hot chocolate of beautifully complex emotions. Amidst the twinkling lights, festive cocktails, and holiday tunes, stress can be high at this time of year for a variety of reasons: end of year workload, financial strain, family dynamics, layers of grief. Not to mention our holidays have been a bit thrown off the past few years.
Family of origin dynamics alone can be challenging waters to navigate and can certainly get the best of us. Changing traditions, lots of opinions, non-existent boundaries, perhaps? And don’t forget the in-laws! Feelings abound.
A few reminders to keep you grounded this holiday season:
A little selflessness goes a long way.
Don’t underestimate the power of a generous spirit. Doing things for the greater good of your relationship allows you to walk the walk of kindness, and to flex those muscles of empathy. Sometimes it’s worth it to say yes and go with the flow simply because you love and care about your partner/family member.
Be compassionate.
I believe that people are generally doing the best they can. Yes, yes, of course they could be better. But why feel constantly frustrated and disappointed if they don’t meet your expectations? For the sake of your emotional wellbeing, it’s a lighter load to carry when you view others through that lens of compassion. It helps you practice the benefit of the doubt, too.
Tend to the “little you.”
There is an inner kid within you who has big feelings. If you notice an intense emotional reaction, there is likely some history there. To use a little therapist speak: “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” Be kind to that inner kid with some self-compassion and nurturing.
*For a deeper dive into family of origin work with your inner kid, have a listen to this episode of Dr. Alexandra Solomon’s podcast Reimagining Love. It’s enlightening!
Happy Holidays to you and yours!