Butt What About...
By Corin Garcia, AMFT
Anal. This word might create a reaction in thought or body and I invite curiosity to join the space as you continue to read. As I recently listened to “Common Myths About Anal Sex, Debunked”, on Dr. Lehmiller’s Sex & Psychology podcast, I found myself nodding along to the 5 myths debunked. This nod represented the realization of how often I have heard myths about anal play in and outside of therapeutic spaces, and I felt compelled to share these common myths associated with anal play. Help me debunk these myths!
It’s an exit only!
Many people believe that anal sex is not for pleasure, yet the human body has multiple pleasure receptors all over the body. Anal play can actually provide different types of stimulation for individuals to reach climax. I am not saying that everyone needs to engage in anal play and I believe it is important to support individuals who are curious or already engaging in this activity.
Anal play is risky.
This myth stems from the AIDS pandemic, which created an overall stigma for anal sex/play. During this period there was an increase of raw sex, lack of communication, and decrease in anal preparation, which leads to increased risk. Another common risk pertains to muscles loosening, yet lubrication, gradual size increments, and attention to one’s body serves as preventative measures. Overall, some degree of risk is present in any activity, sexual or not. It is up to individuals to check in with their own risk assessments and work to minimize risk. Some methods of minimizing risk include regular safe sex practices, STI/STD prevention, and education on anatomy.
Anal sex is “gay sex”.
Actually, anal is for everyone! The body has countless avenues to experience pleasure and anal just happens to be one of them. Many cultural and religious beliefs influence the origin of this myth, yet biologically anal play can be experienced by anyone. However, anal play needs to be a consensual experience and may not be pleasurable for some people regardless of sexual orientation, sex and/or gender.
Pain is synonymous with anal play.
It is possible for pain to arise when anal play goes from 0 to 100. Oftentimes, most people attempt anal play with these 0 to 100 approaches, which cultivates discouragement, pain, and a failed attempt. Self-exploration, educational resources, LUBRICATION and increasing size gradually can help create a more relaxed and pleasurable mental and physical experience.
People who receive anal are submissive or feminine and those who give are assertive or masculine.
We are diverse beings; therefore, these roles vary from person to person. It is not uncommon to keep a stereotype in mind when reflecting on the role of the power and gender involved in anal play. These stereotypes and beliefs are often created and preserved from culture and mainstream society. Likewise, power and control manifest in all forms of sexual experiences. In particular, control is needed for safe and consensual sexual experiences. Once all parties foster a sense of control over their bodies, narratives of submission and dominance can be written and added to pleasure.
Does any of this sound familiar? What did I leave out?
I understand this recap does not cover all beliefs and myths surrounding anal play, yet it starts the conversation. As mentioned, humans are extremely diverse, so anal play may or may not be for you! My main takeaways are the importance of curiosity, communication, education, and honoring the pleasure that aligns with your authentic selves.
Feel free to check out the referenced podcast:
https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/podcast/episode-295-common-myths-about-anal-sex-debunked/