URGENT: A Must-Read!

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

I’m sure you’ve gotten those emails before, in all caps, requiring your URGENT ATTENTION. Not now, RIGHT now. They trigger an immediate sense of panic and undue stress on everyone involved. Interestingly, they are also terribly unproductive, because the energy that ensues can be quite scattered and chaotic. Now the chaos has multiplied: no one is getting anything done and the recipients are unnecessarily stressed!

Feelings can be this way too, as anxiety can surge quickly and feel like an urgent matter, both to the feeler and those on the receiving end. Urgency is a common symptom of anxiety; it is fast, dysregulated, and pressured, often driven by fear or low distress tolerance, as though it needs an immediate fix or escape. Because of the sneaky nature of this false fear signal, it is also not to be trusted. 

The only reason we need to respond urgently to anything is in LIFE OR DEATH EMERGENCIES. That’s it. Truly. The rest can wait a beat as you breathe through it, think through your options, and make a decision. The urgency will pass as feelings always do, so let that wave hit you, stand still, and then go. When I respond urgently to people or emails or myself, I almost always make mistakes, since I respond out of emotion rather than groundedness. I find it comforting to remember that you don’t have to do anything unless someone is in danger. 

So the next time you feel that sense of urgency, just breathe and see what happens. Let your first or second reaction pass, and wait for the third. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out 4 seconds, and wait 4 seconds. Repeat. You will reset and regain your sense of yourself. And feel so much better about your response! You can trust yourself here. Trust me.