The Tasks of Life

By Rebecca Patterson, AMFT

From clients to friends, it is inevitable that at some point in a conversation about what it means to partner, we will dive into the logistics of balancing basic life tasks. Cooking, cleaning, child care have traditionally been a woman’s load to carry and this can often be true today. However, it is not always the case that the partner carrying the bulk of the weight of running a life is female. Either way, and even for unicorn couples where balance has occurred naturally, I’ve found it very helpful for couples to find a fun and honest way to talk about how they want to divide the tasks of life. 

The Fair Play Card Deck is an offshoot of the book released this past January by Eve Rodsky. While the book explores invisible labor and how to reshape your relationship into one that challenges gender norms, the card deck is truly my newest obsession. The deck is divided into the categories of what I call life, which includes home, out, caregiving, magic, and wild cards. While the first three are mostly obvious, the last two are valuable additions to the conversations about tasks including spirituality and starting hard conversations or carrying for an aging parent and planning a wedding. 

Each card in the 100 card deck has a definition on the back that is followed by the domain of planning and execution (a distinction I love as often these two layers are overlooked) with a simple question that helps you answer who really is responsible for this domain. In order to fully “hold” a card a partner must be responsible for conceiving, planning, and executing the described life task. If one of these is not held by the person who sees the responsibility as theirs, it opens the door to conversation about how to reorganize and rebalance so the task can be squarely in one person’s hands. In this game, couples will find a playful yet tactile way to reflect on what the division of tasks actually looks like in their relationship and hopefully curiously explore the ways in which it could be more balanced. 

For the online version of the deck and ordering options visit Rodsky’s website. https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-cards/cpe#