Throwbacks: Not Just a Thursday Thing

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

The other day I indulged in one of my favorite childhood meals: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with Cheetos (ideally the Cheetos are on said sandwich). I turned on a Friends rerun on Nick-at-Nite, and fell asleep reading Harry Potter. It was just what I needed! Ah yes, the sweet comfort of nostalgia.

In times of high stress, generally speaking, we tend to revert back to old ways. There is something subconsciously satisfying about sticking with the familiar when we’re in unfamiliar territory. We really are creatures of habit, especially in moments of utter chaos and uncertainty. This can be a double edged sword, as these old ways may be destructive in one sense, and wildly comforting in another.

I’ve noticed some couples in quarantine engaging in old conflict patterns as they resort to previous roles and expectations at home, perhaps through no fault of their own. On some level it’s familiar to do that same stubborn-defensive dance. Not to mention, the combination of stress, work, fatigue, kids, and you-in-my-space-all-the-time is a recipe for a fight anyway. 

Keep an eye on this. Know what your tendencies are. Have some compassion and patience for yourself and your partner. If you notice an old fight brewing, call it out gently and redirect. If your initial approach didn’t work well, simply try again. I’m a big fan of the redo. It works wonders in relationships, where connection is key.

How about your need for a little comfort right now? Embrace that nostalgic 11 year old within you who just wants to play! Take that trip down memory lane. Reminiscing about enjoyable  pastimes is a terrific way to be in the moment, no matter the circumstances. This is the time to tune into your favorite childhood shows, movies, games, snacks, and books, and let them console you. So grab those Gushers, get out your lightsaber, rewatch that 3-peat, and throwback like there’s no tomorrow!