On Loneliness
By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST
Loneliness is such a natural part of the human experience, isn’t it? We are not meant to walk through this life alone; we are wired for connection! Both in quarantined life and beyond, everyone gets lonely sometimes. We rarely admit it, though, as it carries this shame that makes it difficult to talk about. Which only further alienates us. I really believe that the world would be a better place if only we named how lonely we can be.
My latest fangirl moment showed up when I heard Dr. Vivek Murthy discuss his new book “Together: The Healing Power of Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World” on Brene Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us. He explored the many facets of loneliness as though he was speaking right to my soul, and normalized this incredibly universal experience. How great to be learning more about loneliness at a time like this!
Dr. Murthy names research that describes 3 “dimensions” of loneliness:
Intimate, or emotional, loneliness: the longing for a close confidant or intimate partner, someone with whom you share a deep mutual bond of affection and trust
Relational, or social, loneliness: the yearning for quality friendships, social companionship, and support
Collective loneliness: the hunger for a network or community of people who share your sense of purpose and interests
How are you feeling in these areas lately? The pandemic has likely thrown us off in pretty major ways, and I invite you to check in with yourself and your loved ones. Offer some grace and self-compassion. We are lonely and we need each other! And perhaps a few podcasts to nerd out on:
https://brenebrown.com/podcast/dr-vivek-murthy-and-brene-on-loneliness-and-connection/