On Forming New Habits in a New Normal
By Rachel Zar, LMFT
It’s been four months since we left the Spark Chicago Therapy office and transitioned to telehealth from home. I remember that first day sitting at a table in my living room talking to my clients through a computer screen, and it was… awkward. I felt so far away from my clients, I felt distracted by the new setting, and I felt tired more quickly. After all, it takes a lot of energy to do something new! With time, though, my brain and my body have started to adjust. It no longer feels strange to have a 30-second commute from my couch to my “office,” I feel connected to my clients and more energized by the work we’re doing, and there are far fewer technology issues that get in the way of sessions. I often start my day now by setting up my desk and clicking into a session without even thinking. Once my at-home routine felt like a habit instead of an anomaly, it felt much easier.
These automatic behaviors have started to form in other contexts, too. Prior to the pandemic, I’d habitually go in for a hug when seeing my closest friends, so switching over to a wave or an air hug felt unnatural and took a lot of thought. With time, however, I’ve noticed that these six-feet-apart alternatives have started to happen reflexively. It now feels routine to don a mask before heading outside, press elevator buttons with my elbow, and step to the edges of the sidewalk when passing others. What once took a conscious effort now feels instinctive. I’m starting to form habits.
If you’re struggling to turn these changes into habits, don’t fret. This is still new, and new things are hard! Any lines you’ve heard about habits taking 21 days to form are just a myth; You’ve been doing things one way for decades, so that adjustment will take time!
When modifications feel hardest, a small shift in mindset can help. Studies show that if we can see the reward in doing something new, it can become a habit more quickly. When wearing a mask in public places, try focusing on the parts of the experience that give you pleasure instead of the discomfort. Instead of, “I hate when others tell me what to do,” try focusing on these safety measures as acts of self- care and kindness toward others. Instead of focusing on: “It’s so hot under here,” think “I’m protecting myself and others.” And invest in a mask you actually like, make it fashion, and opt for a material that feels light, soft, and comfortable.
Simplifying the behavior also helps: If that hand sanitizer is hiding out in a closet, try situating it on a table right beside your front door. If that bottle is within reach, you’ll automatically spritz your hands without even thinking before long.
While there’s no question that we’re all craving the day that we can let some of these new safety measures slide, the more we’re able to embrace and normalize them now, the happier we’ll be able to be in this new (but temporary) state. Stay safe, everyone!