A Guide to Quarantining With Your Partner
By Rebecca Patterson, MSMFT
By now, most of you reading this have been confined to your home for several days and are only leaving for necessary tasks or a quick chance to stretch your legs! With this comes the reality that many of us are spending this time inside joined by our significant others. Kids, parents, and pets are likely there, too, and the trials that come with that are significant and important as well. But it feels necessary to me as a couples therapist to first acknowledge the normalcy of hitting bumps in the road while quarantined with your partner, and in acknowledging that, share some tools to help smooth the journey.
Set Boundaries Before you Need Them
Boundaries come in two forms - emotional and physical. Have a conversation early on with your S.O. about how you are going to divide your space. Where will you work? Where will you each find alone time? Where will you exercise?
Our emotional boundaries can be slightly more complicated. Check in first with what you're feeling - are you anxious? Angry? Scared? Denying? Once you locate what you feel, decide what you need to sooth your negative emotions and bolster your positive feelings. Do you need a time limit on your media consumption as encouraged in our previous blog? Do you need quiet to meditate and find peace? Do you need music that connects you with who you are outside of the chaos of the moment? (shout out The Emancipation of Lauren Hill which is currently keeping me company in this mess)
See what feels right and COMMUNICATE it clearly with your partner, ask for space or the support you need, check in on how it feels for them and in turn what boundaries they need in this trying time.
Be Patient and Reassure
We have all been thrown into sudden change in every quadrant of our lives, when this happens, our feelings percolate to the surface and stay there just beneath our skin. We are all sensitive right now, deservedly so! Offering PATIENCE for how your partner adapts to all the sudden change in their life while also internally being patient with your own journey will help you both stay calmer in the long run.
Another key piece of this is reassuring yourself and your partner that anxious emotions are normal, they and you need to be safe to feel what naturally occurs. By being kind to your negative emotions and encouraging those that are reassuring, together you can set a positive energy for the space that you share.
Make the Effort to Cultivate Joy
There are silver linings to be found in this experience and I encourage you to push yourself to find them. We have all been forced to slow down and simplify our lives, while also being tasked with being creative and spending time with those we love. Even if you are working from home, the time you save commuting is time you get back to use as you please.
There are little glimmers of peace and joy that can be found in these times if you make the effort to cultivate them. Bars are empty - so learn to make a cocktail for two and find joy in a new skill. Make a list of movies you’ve always wanted to see and check them off one weekend at a time. Go through this fun list of questions somewhat scientifically studied but mostly just a good time to be had with someone you want to get close with. Kinky sex Wednesday at 5pm has never been more possible - for all my parents, give yourself permission for some guilt free parking of your kid in front of the TV and go connect!
Make the time because, you’ve got nothing but time. Yes it is scary, the future feels increasingly less clear, and these big scary hypotheticals loom over our heads. But that future is not here yet; we are in limbo. A space where we wait. So wait, and use your time as time that is still yours to play in, be still in, love in.