Honey, I’m Home! The Importance of Creating a Connecting Reunion Ritual

By Rachel Zar, LMFT

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For those who live with a significant other: What’s the first thing you do when you get home at the end of a long day? If the usual is shouting “hey” to your partner from across your apartment followed by a grab for the remote, you may want to rethink that transition. After all, the way we reunion with our loved ones immediately sets the tone going forward—whether that’s for a disengaged evening in our own worlds or for a connected and meaningful wind down from the day. It’s far too easy to fall into end-of- day habits that fuel disconnection over time. But there’s a better way!

My advice? Create a ritual with your partner to help you switch gears from work mode to home mode. If you’re already home when your partner arrives, stop what you’re doing to fully acknowledge their presence. If you get home later, seek your partner out as soon as you get through the door. A great ritual will include these three things:

  1. Physical touch. Give each other a real kiss (not just a peck!) or offer a sink-into- each-others-arms hug.

  2. Curiosity. Ask your partner sincerely about their day and offer an anecdote about yours you think your partner will appreciate. I promise, even on the busiest of nights, you have five minutes to chat.

  3. Intentionality. Develop a plan together about how you’re going to spend the rest of your evening. If you have to disconnect to do your own thing, talk about that. If it feels important to carve out time for togetherness, say so. Having a conversation means that you and your partner will be on the same page, so there will be fewer missed opportunities or misunderstandings.

Incorporating this little routine into your shared life is the perfect way to ensure that you’re fully transitioning from one phase of your day to another. If this homecoming routine is consistent, you’ll probably notice feeling more seen by your partner and begin to look forward to even that brief moment of love between you. I guarantee, you’ll start feeling closer and closer in no time.

Amy Freier