'Tis the Season—Cuffing Season, That Is
By Rachel Zar, LMFT
It’s officially cuffing season! If you haven’t heard of this magical time of year, here’s the 411: Cuffing season takes place between October and March (brrr!) when singles seem to find extra motivation to couple up. We metaphorically handcuff ourselves to a partner for the winter and break free again just in time for spring.
There are many theories out there about why we do this. For starters, cold weather and shorter days just make cuddling up at home feel extra appealing. We tend to be a little lonelier, since warm weather bakes in tons of activities and camaraderie that doesn’t present itself as organically in the cold. There’s also extra pressure during the holiday season – whether it’s to find a date to the holiday party or to avoid prying questions from family. Holiday marketing and an endless stream of holiday-themed rom coms also add a massive dose of not-so-subtle cues. Therefore, not being in a relationship may start to feel extra lonely – even for those who are usually perfectly happy being single.
There may also be a hormonal aspect to our desire to get cuffed. Research has shown that men’s testosterone levels tend to peak in winter months. Plus, less sunshine means lower serotonin levels, which leaves us feeling sadder and, perhaps, more prone to seek support through a relationship.
But is it healthy to “cuff” yourself to a partner and then un-cuff as soon as temperatures climb?
My advice: If you’re feeling extra urgency to download those dating apps, be curious about why, and try to be intentional about whether or not you want to lean in. Are you in a place where you actually want a relationship? Or is your cuffing a way to fend off jealousy of your friends’ mistletoe kisses? If it’s the latter, it may feel better to explore other ways to seek support and fend off the winter blues. Reach out to friends and family for some snuggle time, embrace a solo project you’ve been meaning to get to, and put some fun winter activities on your schedule. Being single when you feel like everyone around you is doubling up can be tough – but a little perspective and intentionality can help you through the season.
If cuffing feels right, go for it! Just as there’s nothing wrong with a summer fling, a winter fling can be just as fun -- as long as both parties are aware of the parameters of the relationship. If your gut tells you this relationship has an end date, try to be transparent with your partner that you don’t see it going the distance.
Ultimately, to cuff or not to cuff is a personal decision – and one that you can only make if you’re being honest with yourself about your wants and needs.