Orgasm Equality: Women’s Orgasms & How to Get Them

By Kari Moyer, LPC

The big O! Widely misunderstood and HEAVILY affecting women’s pleasure in the bedroom. Have you been frustrated with an inability to orgasm with your partner? Or wondered why your vibrator does the trick? Have you found yourself faking an orgasm to please your partner? You are NOT alone. There’s a pleasure gap between men and women in heterosexual cisgender relationships, and it is a cultural problem. The number one issue: thinking orgasm will come from penetrative sex (intercourse) alone; which is the common way MEN reach orgasm, not women. Sadly this is a widespread myth that folks are taught, as often seen in mainstream culture. SO not true.

In her book Becoming Cliterate, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D. outlines the inequality in orgasms, and provides ways for you to achieve them! The secret? Clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is the most sensitive part of female genitalia as it is filled with nerves that spike our sexual response. Every woman’s clitoris is different AND unique. This means the stimulation that works for your friends won’t always work for you – and that’s okay! 

So, where to begin with clitoral stimulation? It starts with exploring your own body, i.e., What pressure do I like? Which spot feels the most intense? Do I like fast movements, slow movements, or a mix? Do I enjoy clitoral stimulation while also engaging in penetrative sex? Does oral sex feel really good – and what parts of this feel the best? These kinds of questions and many more allow you to understand your clitoris. Your sexual response. Your turn ons. Your orgasm. By understanding more about yourself, you’re able to relay this information to your partner, practice, and find the perfect way for you to authentically feel pleasure. 

Here is Dr. Mintz discussing her work on the podcast Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon. It’s a great listen!