Who Do You Want to Be This Year?

By Rebecca Patterson, MSMFT

We’ve made it! We’re here in 2021 - and while life does not suddenly overhaul itself based on the changing of a date, 2020 was a year we were all ready to say goodbye to. While there is much to look forward to with a vaccine and a new president on the way, this new year is bringing the pull it does for many to set goals for the future we hope to have. 

The goals we set for the new year are filled with the best of intentions for the things we hope to cultivate going forward. However, I often find that these intentions turn sour after falling short or missing a beat on what we hope to achieve. We set a goal to exercise more or to connect more with friends; a few weeks in we find ourselves lapsing on the gym or failing to return phone calls; this leads to a felt sense of hopelessness about our ability to change; we give up and feel guilty for the rest of the year for what we didn’t achieve. 

It is a vicious cycle that I know is familiar to many of you. This year, I challenge you to set hopes for the future in a different way. Instead of naming concrete goals for things you hope to do more or less of, try thinking about the person you hope to be. Maybe you want to be a more vulnerable partner. Instead of setting an expectation for what you need to do in order to be more vulnerable, try asking yourself what can I do today to be the more vulnerable person I hope to become? 

This slight change can have a huge positive impact on the success we find in striving for change and also allow us to feel more compassionate towards ourselves along the journey to self growth. Replace the question above with whatever adjective you hope to see in yourself this coming year. Hopefully, you will find that by turning your focus to the small, daily things that make us feel good about the areas of life that matter to us, we stop measuring ourselves and instead change our habits little by little. By focusing on aspects of your identity you hope to nurture in the coming year, you give yourself the chance to mindfully enter each day with an idea of the person you want to be in the world.