Skin Hunger: What It Is and How to Cope
By Rachel Zar, LMFT, CST
When was the last time you touched another person? If you had to think about your answer, it’s been too long. And you’re not alone. For many, social distancing has meant giving up on hugs, handshakes, kisses, and even elbow-taps altogether. Though you try to fill that void with video chats and six-feet-apart outdoor hangouts, lack of touch may be negatively impacting your mental and physical health.
Why? Because, just as we hunger for food and thirst for water, we instinctively crave something else that’s essential for human life: touch. Yes, being touched isn’t just a want; it’s a need. Babies who aren’t touched at all will literally die, and not being touched enough as a baby can result in serious health deficits. As an adult, you’re not at risk of dying from lack of hugs. But with months and months of no touch, as many who are separated from loved ones are experiencing right now, you may be realizing the very real impacts on your mental health, like increased stress, difficulty sleeping, and serious loneliness. And I’m not just talking about the big touches, like a cuddle with a child or intimacy with a partner. The little things, like a handshake with a co-worker or a touch on the arm from a friend, also add up to pack a big punch. Touch soothes us and signals safety, it releases oxytocin that connects us to others, and it improves cardiovascular health, reduces stress, regulates our sleep, and boosts our immune systems.
Need for touch varies from person to person – but no one needs zero. So, if you live alone, are separated from your loved ones, or are in a temporary quarantine, what can you do to quell that skin hunger? How can you at least get some of the positive benefits of skin-to-skin contact when actually touching another person is just too risky?
First, know that it’s normal to feel this way. Be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that this won’t last forever. Then, think about other ways you can give yourself the warm-and-fuzzy jolt that comes from touch:
Animals are a great place to start, so spend some extra time curled up with your pets. If you don’t have a pet, volunteer to walk a neighbor’s dog or consider fostering.
Not an animal lover? A fluffy pillow or a stuffed animal works in a pinch. Try giving it a big squeeze and notice the way that soft material feels against your skin. You can get many similar feel-good benefits from this squeeze as you would from embracing a living thing.
Self-touch is a good reminder of what skin-to-skin contact feels like. Think about what you’re craving most from someone else, and get creative with how to gift those kinds of touch to yourself. Offer yourself a foot massage, give yourself a rubdown with your favorite lotion, or masturbate. And do it often.
Lastly, remember to nurture your relationships with others in all the ways you can. Even without those little touches, connection is more than skin deep – and every Zoom call, text, email, or wave from afar really matters.