Attitudes of Gratitude

By Amy Stewart, LMFT, CST

As the proverb says, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and relationships can be quite the cacophony at times.  We have a litany of grievances about our partner and our relationships at the ready, but rarely do we speak up about the things that are humming along smoothly. Here’s a quick exercise to help highlight the positives and center you in gratitude as we kick off this highly irregular holiday season. 

Each day, sit down together, look at one another and share three things you appreciate that your partner has done. Three different things. Every single day.

Sometimes you’ll notice the bigger ones float to the top…

“I appreciate you helping to plan our dream vacation.”

“I appreciate you welcoming our parents to quarantine with us.”

“I appreciate you working extra hours so we can pay down our student loans.”

Sometimes you’ll highlight the small things—the actions that keep your lives rolling without a hitch…

“I appreciate you making the coffee this morning.”

“I appreciate you getting the kids started on zoom so I could sleep five extra minutes.”

“I appreciate you kissing me good morning.”

I appreciate you.

Big, small, anywhere in between, these things matter. Simply setting aside the time to turn toward one another to share these things matters. You are mindfully giving voice to the good over the bad, shifting the figure and the ground. Over time, it can shift the lens through which you view yourself, your partner, and your relationship. You’ll find you are scanning your day in order to “catch your partner doing something right” and, hopefully, doing the “somethings right” in order to be caught by your partner.

It may take a bit of planning and some slight adjustment, but give it a go. It’s a simple way to remind yourselves of the positive contributions that continue to hum between you in the background, despite the insistence of the squeaks.