Attached: A Note on the Science of Love

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

Nerd alert! I thought I’d share my latest read with you, since I’ve been telling everyone about it, and didn’t want to leave you out.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—And Keep—Love

by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.

I devoured it! You might, too. Here’s why:

Ever wondered how and why we are the way we are in relationships? Where our conflict patterns come from? Who we are (and aren’t) compatible with and why? We all have different attachment styles in how we perceive and respond to intimacy with partners. Adult attachment theory describes 3 such styles: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. A simple breakdown from the book:

1.     Secure: You feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. You communicate your needs effectively.

2.     Anxious: You crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with your relationships, and tend to worry about your partner’s ability to love you back.

3.     Avoidant: You equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

The authors here help you identify your own style, your partner’s, and how to work with your differences effectively. This information can be so helpful whether you are single and dating, recovering from a breakup, recently divorced, or struggling with (and just curious about) differences in your current relationship. I found it incredibly validating to make sense of complex relationship dynamics on so many levels. It’s nice to know the science behind our emotions. Gives us more to work with.

As winter (hopefully) draws to an end, curl up with a hot beverage and a good book. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Feel free to email me at a.berrafato@sparkchicagotherapy.com.