Pumpkin Spice and Everything (Not So) Nice

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

In the midst of my (almost daily) pumpkin spiced high, I’m reminded of the importance of selflessness and family values as we head into the holiday season.

The holidays bring up a complex mix of emotions for many of us. While there is often much anticipation, joy, and connection in the air, it can also feel dark and isolating: the days get shorter, and we might be confronting difficult family dynamics, grief and loss, and stress to come. Perhaps we’ve had a great year, and we’re feeling grateful for health and blessings as we look forward to celebrations with loved ones. Maybe it’s been a rough year, and with a heavy heart we’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

No matter your holiday status, here are a few things to keep in mind this season:

Set. Some. Boundaries.

Be honest with yourself about family time. How much is too much? How much is just right? You can balance whatever you need to in terms of time together and taking some space on your own. Perhaps you stay in a hotel instead of in your in-laws’ basement. Or maybe you go for a walk while the family goes shopping. You’ll have more to give when you take good care of yourself.

Practice selflessness.

I’m a firm believer that a little selflessness goes a long way in relationships. Especially with family dynamics. I’m sure you’ve noticed differences in how your families operate; their ways of doing things just don’t make sense! You put up with it because you love your partner. Remember your family values as you embrace those differences. 

Treat yourself.

Despite the dark and cold, what do you enjoy most about this time of year? Indulge it! Curl up with your favorite book or holiday movie. Change up your workout routine since you’re spending more time indoors. Catch up with friends to watch the game while the chili simmers. There is much warmth and joy to share in these months ahead when you’re mindful about it.

Gratitude.

With the spirit of Thanksgiving (and pumpkin pie!) around the corner, an attitude of gratitude is front of mind. In case we don’t say it enough, we’re really grateful for you!